Well, well, well….ladies welcome to our 14th Season of Boo Boo Kitty Fuck! I would like to personally thank all the managers that participated in last season and also welcome the two new managers to this season. We expect nothing from the both of you outside of being a simple BYE Week.
Not to tarnish the “beloved” and heavily “respected” Yahoo Draft Grades, but we all know those grades are garbage. They mean absolutely nothing and it’ll be the only thing that SuperFly Eagles wins this year. Being that I am a generous, caring, and most importantly FAIR Great Leader…I will provide an “unbiased” look at each team.
Don’t forget to checkout By the Numbers! Our in-house Stats Guru, Brown, will be dropping all sorts of stats throughout the season just so you know exactly how much you suck…down to the fraction.
With that said, here are the Preseason Team Grades heading into Week 1. Teams have been ordered based on where they finished last season.
WINNERS: Aaron Rodgers, Tyreek Hill, Tyler Lockett, Joe Mixon
LOSER: CJ Anderson
DARK HORSE: Corey Davis
COMMENTARY: The starting line up is strong, but the lack of bench is concerning. Injuries are bound to happen, but will they be able to plug a player to meet production needs? There could be decent return for Goff.
WINNERS: Baker Mayfield, Juju Smith-Schuster, David Johnson, Damien Williams
LOSER: John Brown
DARK HORSE: Dante Pettis
COMMENTARY: Potential…if expectations are met, but we all know having expectations in fantasy is as useful as a screen door on a submarine. I don’t want to say Melvin Gordon is make or break….but maybe I am.
Hard as Softserve
WINNERS: Phillip Rivers, Robert Woods, Nick Chubb, Chris Carson
LOSER: T.Y. Hilton
DARK HORSE: DJ Moore
COMMENTARY: Outside of Robert Woods, there’s not much of a receiving core on this team. That said, they could very well make it up with the amount of runners on this team (if they stay healthy). This team has depth at RB to make a move for a WR.
WINNERS: Russell Wilson, Tyler Boyd, Christian McCaffrey
LOSER: Ronald Jones
DARK HORSE: Rob Gronkowski
COMMENTARY: Wilson, Boyd, and McCaffrey will be holding the weight of this team, but there is potential with the supporting cast. There are some concerns at receiver but the runner core looks solid. An injury to their BIG 3 might not be survivable, unless Gronk comes back (just kidding).
WINNERS: Drew Brees, Mike Evans, Todd Gurley, Ezekiel Elliott
LOSER: LeSean McCoy
DARK HORSE: LeSean McCoy
COMMENTARY: This starting line is stacked, IF it stays healthy. That’s a big IF as there are a couple of injury prone folks on the squad. It’s not IF Gurley goes down, just WHEN? HOW LONG? Can Kupp get back to pre-injury form? Will SuperFly Eagles trade for Jared Goff to complete the Rams roster?
Antonio Clown (Hot Star)
WINNERS: Kenny Golladay, Le’Veon Bell, Travis Kelce
LOSER: Antonio Brown
DARK HORSE: Sam Darnold
COMMENTARY: I know, I know…Sam Darnold, but that second half schedule is looking mighty nice. Obviously this team is looking to redeem themselves from last year, but the fantasy gods are putting some big bumps in the road. That said, this receiving core on paper looks delicious IF they stay healthy. Also, LOL at Antonio Brown.
WINNERS: Patrick Mahomes, Odell Beckham, Amari Cooper
LOSER: Kareem Hunt
DARK HORSE: Donte Moncrief
COMMENTARY: QBs, check. WRs, check. RBs, Bears. They have the best fantasy QB and a strong receiving core, but I don’t feel comfortable with the ground game. It’ll be a committee of David Montgomery and Tarik Cohen (to be fair are solid), but I like the potential of 4th year RB Peyton Barber.
WINNERS: Deshaun Watson, Devante Adams, Leonard Fournette
LOSER: DeSean Jackson
DARK HORSE: Tevin Coleman
COMMENTARY: I am indifferent on this team regardless of the grade they got. They’re going to have to rely a lot on Deshaun Watson and the receiving core as this running core tends to be feast or famine (or injury prone). I do like Tevin Coleman for what it’s worth…which isn’t much.
WINNERS: Carson Wentz, Alvin Kamara, George Kittle
LOSER: Tony Pollard
DARK HORSE: Lamar Jackson
COMMENTARY: They didn’t come in last place last season! It’s all up from here! Alvin Kamara is the name we want to focus on here as he’ll most likely have another big season. The rest of the running core is questionable mainly due to their offenses not their skills. As far as receivers go, they’re swinging for the fences minus Kittle.
WINNERS: Adam Thielen, Saquon Barkley, Devonta Freeman
LOSER: Coutrland Sutton
DARK HORSE: Will Fuller
COMMENTARY: I feel like this team is going to be sneaky good. The key players will be on cruise control, the key will definitely be the supporting cast. Few of folks are looking to redeem themselves after short injured seasons last year. I am not feeling a repeat here for last year’s last place loser.
WINNERS: Julio Jones, Mike Williams, James Conner, Zack Ertz
LOSER: TEN RBs
DARK HORSE: Christian Kirk
COMMENTARY: Listen, I know what Henry did at the end of the season last year. I get it. I still don’t like that backfield. What I do like is Julio Jones, James Conner, and Mike Williams. I think the ceiling is somewhat high for this bench and I especially like the Murray/Kirk combo. Not a joke.
WINNERS: DeAndrew Hopkins, Michael Thomas, Keenan Allen, Stefon Diggs
LOSER: Cam Newton
DARK HORSE: Duke Johnson
COMMENTARY: GO BIG OR GO HOME! This team is stacked at WR…and that’s about it. Though I reckon Kirk Cousins bounces back this season but there’s not really a ground game here. Though based on my math (which is terrible) they might not need it with a couple of receiving running backs on the roster.